I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
