Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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