About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
