Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
