We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
