That's intense
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
