Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
