no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
