She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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