Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
