Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
