i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
