No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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