the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
