they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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