Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
