Ambien. No doubt about it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
