I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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