The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
