dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What happened to fro yo and sex?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
