I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
