omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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