dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I will be naked everywhere
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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