Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The feeling are messing with the penis
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
