haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
