So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
