I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
