the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
