So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
