I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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