i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dignity is for republicans.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
