there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
farters have to be the big spoon...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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