i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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