Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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