I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
