I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
