your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
