she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
