Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
