That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
