my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
