Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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