New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she peed on how many people?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
