i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
