I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
