I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
