I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
