pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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