the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
