i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
