i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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