Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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