he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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