i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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